My Fourth Trimester
To be honest I was chuckling to myself about the so called “4th trimester”. I truly gave very little thought to it, and really had no idea what it could mean for me. What I did envision after giving birth was months of cuddling, lots of rest & recovery & deep bonding with the little human I had just housed inside my body for 10 months. While I have enjoyed many, many cuddles, it’s the rest & recovery part really cracks me up now.
Motherhood has been the most humbling thing I have ever experienced. It has made me raw & yet has given me thick skin. I feel a new type of strength I have never known.
I have taken a break from this account the past few months as I find my footing in this new reality of being a mom. The desire to stay purely present to my daughters’ every move & bask in the love showers of this tiny beauty I helped grow. As I emerge from this “4th trimester”, it feels right to share a bit of my reality the past 12 weeks, so let’s chat about breastfeeding…
With all my heart, this was the part of motherhood I was most excited for. The connection & communication between me & the lil’ Bub through breast feeding I know is the 1st important milestone in the transitioning into Motherhood. I truly didn’t even think twice about breastfeeding difficulties as I know all the herbs & felt my nutrient levels were in tip top shape and this is an area I have been able to help many other women with in my practice. I was confident with all the tools I had to remedy whatever came forth, but nothing was going to go wrong for me…Right?
Then the time came for our first week check in at the pediatricians office…the fluorescent lighting, the scale weight check, my red hot screaming bub hungry & frustrated. My little girl wasn’t gaining enough weight. I stood there ashamed at my body, embarrassed because I had created more tears than milk in the first days of her little life. I was devastated that I wasn’t able to nourish her even though I nourish myself so well.
Postpartum pain is very real but I knew the type of symptoms I was having was not a part of the normal postpartum recovery process. With the help of my dear old friend @drcorina I ran a bunch of blood tests to figure out what exactly was going on. I discovered that my liver was highly inflamed. Through lots of investigation & one on one work with a hepatologist, we figured out that due to all the emergency induction drugs they put me on during labor my body had a horrible allergy type reaction, which essentially poisoned my liver. A type of medication induced hepatitis. This left me horribly uncomfortable and continued for 10 weeks. Every day I felt like I was on the verge of catching the worst flu of my life. Body aches, vertigo, nausea, vision problems, low milk supply* & bone deep frustration.
In Chinese Medicine the liver is in control of the free flow of qi & blood within the body. Inflammation in TCM is a form of severe stagnation which sounds exactly as it is. Breast milk in TCM is a combination of qi & blood. The qi & blood in my postpartum body has been severely stagnated by my inflamed liver. Therefore, breastfeeding for me has been a stressful struggle to say the least.
It’s difficult to remedy this type of situation with herbs as you need a strong liver to be able to process most herbs which has been the most challenging thing for my herbalist brain. Instead, I’ve been doing food as medicine (newly addicted to oatmeal) & lots of acupuncture to help clean & clear my liver.
I was sooo against formula & bottle feedings but gave into it to help my hungry bubba. We’ve stuck with breastfeeding all we can & I make sure she gets every last drop I have to give her. Thank goodness for the support of my love @lukemitrani who has come in strong with helping supplement formula when she is still hungry, also giving him deep bonding time.
Truly, I wish we would have started formula earlier as all it has done has helped my baby be more relaxed in her body & calmed my nervous system allowing my body to produce more Milk. Today I am able to produce about 4 ounces each pump & I am now very proud of that. I give it all to her & then whatever else she needs we supplement. The magic of this type of triple feeding is that she loves it all. No nipple bias, Luke can partake in the process & our connection is still incredibly beautiful & strong. The formula shame passed quickly enough, once I saw her satisfaction with a full belly and more hours of sleep, for all of us. Our communication is fluid and strong, yes through hunger cues , but more importantly through meaningful eye contact, and I can look into her eyes all day!!